I knew he was Mr Wrong, even when the church said Mr. Right

40790b5d401906b89a75ae31fd276083

Still

I love him

As a friend

I was in love with him then though

But I loved me more

When I met him

I wasn’t search for a Mr. Right

I was searching for me

The church family loved him

The Pastor thought he was perfect for me

But my gut had a mind of its own

Everyone talked of wedding bells,

Invitations and a fancy wedding gown

While my gut sent shock waves through me

I’m sorry I made him buy a ring

I had this feeling way before we picked it out

And yes its fancy but I hated it

I’m sorry we announced it

I’m sorry for the time we spent

Making the invitation list

And looking at those fancy places

I’m sorry I wished I was marrying him

I don’t think you loved me enough

And now…… Months later, I am sure

I thank you for the time spent

Thank you the lessons and memories made

I apologize for hurting you

I am so happy with my decision

I am happy I didn’t give in to the pressure

of the church, family or friends

Now I’m happy truly happy

With the man I have loved all my life

Advertisements

Goodbye again

If you had a dollar for every time you told yourself – “This time will be the last time”

A penny for how many times you stopped loving him in your head

Undoubtly, you would be one of the wealthiest woman alive.

Somewhere in this routine
Something changed
A new script
An for the first time
Cast members with meaningful roles

Deep inside you know everything
From this point on…
Will forever be changed
It will never be life as we knew it
Nothing will ever be the same

So you fight the tears
And with a text politely say
Congrats I’m happy for you

Gasping for air
Knowing fully well
This time it’s different
Your entire being knows it

Today you bow
With hands above your head
You slowly surrender
You have no fight left

How you wish it didn’t end this way
In the same breath wishing this is the last time
Not goodbye again but instead goodbye forever

Behind the Mask

Image

Behind the mask is a beautiful soul

At least she was

It wasn’t even that long ago

The love from her heart paved roadways

Her smile complimented the sun

She was full of life

She was ready to love

 

But without prior notice – life stepped in

And like a common case of mistaken identity

He trampled her beneath his feet

He pounded her mercilessly

Leaving her battered and bruised

Broken and confused

 

But she refused to run

To hide it all

She got a mask

Before you knew it

She became a professional

Hiding it all inside

Protecting what was left

Salvaging her pride

 

Soon, she will realize

Another mask is made everyday

Yesterday was hers, tomorrows – mine

Just another size, another shade

 

Until then we will wait

Praying we will meet her again

Brokenness, smiles and tears and all

Though you try so hard

We see all of you…

We all wear our mask

Different cost – different tags

When will life begin again

Or will she be forever trapped behind the Mask of lies

Do Not Resuscitate – Signed him

Image

Its been years

I’ve felt the pain

I’ve endured the wrenching aches

But today

The valves gave way

This time – too intense to treat at home

I wheeled myself to the emergency room

I cried

I screamed

I yelled

Someone please do something!

My heart is in need of urgent care!

Quick! its ripping from my chest

Is there nothing for this pain?

I watched as my heart was quickly wheeled away?

I couldn’t sit still….

But I remained hopeful it wasn’t too late

The doctor pushed the door

I read his lips in dismay: I’m sorry, there’s nothing more we can do

Your heart didn’t survive the trauma

The gashes were too deep

The blows too severe

And Miss, there’s a DNR………………….Signed him

Free-fall

Image

Going with the wind

Thankful for all my blessings

Another year gone

Hard lessons learnt

Beautiful memories locked within

 

Free fall

Loving unconditionally

Forgiving quickly

To be patient and humble most of all

 

Don’t call it a resolution

Just a change in lifestyle

This year its not just about me

Its about family – true friends included

Guided by a Sovereign King

 

Maybe I will finally be  a wife

No more a runaway bride

I started the year in church

I intend to finish it with Christ

 

But comes what may

I will be ok

As long as I have God, my Mom, the Bro and my bestie

By my side

Happy 2014 y’all

Unscathed

A personal dedication to a phenomenal woman: Beverly Rhodes

 

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life……will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

 

Mom is still not feeling well

To which she replied: We should pray- prayer still changes things

On the other end, I stood dumbfounded

 

I had called to say we love you

We think about you constantly

In light of your recent tragedy

It has been less than a week

Your brother’s  home-going

 

Her wound was still fresh

Though her tone was one of cheer

A little crack here and there

But her words resonated faith, faith unscathed

 

I stood in awe

I cant find the words to possibly describe

All the emotions I still have inside

 

She’s a gentle giant – I thought to myself

Though she was slayed

Still she served

 

She stood a beacon of love and peace

With faith unlike I’ve ever seen

Selflessly saying: What God didn’t for her

He might do for another

 

What manner of a woman is this?

Even with a broken heart

And tears watering the soil

Her faith in the Comforter, The  Prince of Peace

Stood its ground, unscathed

Surely, she is a woman after God’s own heart

Favored even after failure

Image

The atmosphere no longer had a sweet aroma of praise

Just one of brokenness, hurt and hate

The longer I stayed

The more I suffocate

I needed a break from from the madness

Not my faith

 

So I ran

As far as the east is from the south

I called it “a break”

I felt good saying I needed space for me

Time to recharge, refocus and regroup

 

A month turned into two

Two to three

As a dug myself deeper and deeper into a hole

A hole so deep I couldn’t see myself out

Slowly, I became a visitor

In the place – I once called home

 

It’s sad

I played right in the devils hand

I was happy once I was preoccupied

Prayer life was the first to go

Followed by the need to be all alone

Praise songs was the last to march on out

Can you say: broken beyond recognition

 

Am I still a Christian?

I had left behind:

Broken hearts, broken relationships, broken dreams

And forgiveness was the price to pay

So cheap yet so expensive

I needed to forgive them

But most importantly, I needed to forgive “Me”

 

So here I am on Instagram

And I saw an excerpt from James Fortune – Live through it

I stood in awe as the holy spirit spoke to me through a song

 

Can I say I feel like such a failure

And I guess that’s okay

All along He was still here

Though he felt so far away

He was there when my faith felt like thread in my hands

 

So the prodigal daughter heads home

Knowing God mends the broken

I’m still favored even after my failures

At his feet I will lay my short comings, my mistakes, my fears

Though my garment is spotted, He still cares